How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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