im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
