She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
