Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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