whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
