I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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