He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
