Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
