If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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