I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So much rum. So many feels.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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