You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
BRING THE BAGELS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
