So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
