yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
