She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
