So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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