I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
