I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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