TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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