guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
