"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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