whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
