I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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