He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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