its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
