Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
