I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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