Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
