You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
