Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
