i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
this will be a night to untag.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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