I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
