You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
this hospital has no fireball
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
