the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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