Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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