I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
