How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you had me at cake vodka
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
