is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
