She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize