I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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