I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
