someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
