I want to make a zoo with you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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