Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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