So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
