I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
