So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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