Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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