Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
