it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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