shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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