My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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