My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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