I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
