Can Purell be used as lube?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
