he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
