he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If that was your dad, he is hot
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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