We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
