Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
