just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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