Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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