I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
