Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
