new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
