remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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