We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
