Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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