Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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