at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
