I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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