Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
