Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's great music for shaving your balls
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
